This may take a little time to explain. Please be patient with yourself and re-read this information again later as you gain sobriety, it may make more sense to you.

First of all, we are in many ways all the same. That is... human.

Remember what they said...it's a three fold disease.. physical, mental, and spiritual. So, if we are to understand how this disease affects our lives, then we must understand this human triad and how it relates to the disease of addiction.

As humans, we are physical. We have our senses to detect and help us interpret our lives around us. We have all been given a set of feelings and emotions. All of these wonderful gifts, given to us by God, are for our divine good, but continued alcohol and drug use over time will destroy our bodies and warp our senses.

Our intellect is so amazing, but again, flooding our minds with alcohol or drugs is not the way our brains were designed to operate.  In this condition we are not thinking correctly. For many of us, this period of addiction may have spanned years even decades. The result is a mind that is full of wrong ideas not to mention the physical damage that may have occurred. Newer drugs like crack and ice can quickly cause severe permanent physical impairment to our brains. Recently it had been discovered that young minds while still in development can be badly damaged by early alcohol and drug use. The result of any and all of this behavior is a mind that slowly begins to misunderstand... but be sure about one thing.. YOU are doing a number to yourself!

As WE impair our bodies and minds, we impair our spiritual connectors. A healthy body and mind makes for a healthy spiritual connection.

As you know there are many paradoxes in recovery, but none more wonder-filled than the spiritual nature of our connection with God. After a bout at the height of our addicted arrogance and defiance, our God often allows us to experience a divine moment of clarity.  Amazingly, when we play the ultimate jerk card, He plays the ultimate Love card. Once again, by His Grace, we get the opportunity to choose whether we have had enough of awful and are ready to choose wonderful. It's sort of like a divine time out. Strange indeed, but this is the blessed world of our God. A God that lives in the land of love and wants us to join with Him now, here, on this earthly plane for a life of peace, serenity and bliss as never before realized.

... but will we repent and make that free will choice for love instead of fear?

Here we need to understand that our God, is the one God of truth and Love. He MUST allow us to make the choice for ourselves, for only OUR choice for HIS real love will accomplish the life giving change we all so desperately need.

Growing up? 

If we are brought up in a family riddled with addiction sometimes we feel like mushrooms... Raised in the dark. Knee deep in the manure.  As they told us in the rooms, addiction is not a solo sport, after a while, the whole family gets to play.  Often, our problems started over a resentment with an important figure in our childhood...  Mom, Dad, Grandma,  or "bigger than life" Uncle Joe.  Often alcohol or drugs were involved. This perfect storm created something in our past that we felt was unforgivable.

How did we handle it?

Why... we stuffed it and tried to ingest amnesia over the years with 10,000 beers.... how else?

THIS created the " golden calf " resentment that our drinking (spirits) had built their foundation of fear upon!

This is why we work the steps. They help us see the things that we need to do something about.  It's kind of like an old broken leg bone that was never set. We have two choices - hobble through the rest of our lives crippled, or break it again and set it correctly so that the damage can heal, enabling us to walk upright.

In this process of recovery, working the steps, we are involved in a personal spiritual renewal. As we are trying to approach our higher power, the King of Justice, the Lord God nothing short of the truth will do!  As we read in the "big book", " We beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start."   The first 100 told us that because they knew if we left just one stone unturned... we'd get nothing. 

Let's get real folks, this is a program of truth, and if we keep lying to ourselves, we're still just going nowhere.... no matter what WE think!

As our old friend Jimmy use to say " I was not giving up a good time, I was giving up a bad time."

Think about this. In your life, as you went along, most of the large red checkmarks that appeared on your " record " ( either on paper or in your mind ) that could not be erase, ( ...DUI, Felony, Possesion, Divorce, Abortion, Bankrupcy, Hep C, Domestic Violence WHATEVER!  )usually incurred after or during a big bout with the booze. For many of us perhaps a lifetime bout. for others still the MAIN EVENT!

We all got to where we belived the chaos was fun, but nothing could be further from the truth. We became lost and we did not know it. We began to believe and accept the lie. We began to exist with the others in that garden variety addiction.  An life time of  downward spiral to jails, institution and finally death.

If you were not completly isolated and still hanging with a group of people late in addiction, they were probably mostly active addict /alcoholics.

Think about it,  when you went out with them, what did you do? Why tthe same thing we all did... get high! It may not have happened everytime, but almost everytime.

Now for the big question.... Do you think they really cared about you?

If you are currently in a rehabilitation center or have been over the last year or so answer this question.. Had anyone from that group called, written or come by to see you? We think not... Why you ask... because they don't care about you all they care about is the next high. Oh they may think they care, but if they did, you would have heard from them.

Addicts are takers not givers.

When you joined that "iN" group of people, you walked away from all the others and joined a group that was already isolated to a" high" degree. As we hook up with others late in addiction, we become even more isolated than we already were. Finally one day we may likley find ourselves behind a locked motel room door with a bottle, a bag and a hostage.

... that particular hostage would be our last " Friend ".

Our advice to you. when you come into recovery is to leave the old "iN" crowd behind.They have nothing for you. If you go back to them you are, once again,  surrounding yourself with the problem. By returning to them you are placing yourself in danger for you are out numbered by others active in addiction who are interested in only one thing... jails Institution and Death.

We have heard it many times