This may take a little time to understand. Please be patient with yourself and re-read this information again later as you gain sobriety, it may make more sense to you.

First of all, we are in many ways all the same. That is... human.

Remember what they said...it's a three fold disease.. physical, mental, and spiritual. So, if we are to understand how this disease affects our lives, then we must understand this human triad and how it relates to the disease of addiction.

As humans, we are physical. We have our senses to detect and help us interpret our lives around us. We have all been given a set of feelings and emotions. All of these wonderful gifts, given to us by God, are for our divine good, but continued alcohol and drug use over time will destroy our bodies and warp our senses.

Our intellect is so amazing, but again, flooding our minds with alcohol or drugs is not the way our brains were designed to operate.  In this condition we are not thinking correctly. For many of us, this period of addiction may have spanned years even decades. The result is a mind that is full of wrong ideas not to mention the physical damage that may have occurred. Newer drugs like crack and ice can quickly cause severe permanent physical impairment to our brains. Recently it had been discovered that young minds, while still in development, can be badly damaged by early alcohol and drug use. The result of any and all of this behavior is a mind that slowly begins to misunderstand... but be sure about one thing.. YOU are doing a number to yourself!

As WE impair our bodies and minds, we impair our spiritual connectors. A healthy body and mind makes for a healthy spiritual connection.

As you know there are many paradoxes in recovery, but none more wonder-filled than the spiritual nature of our connection with God. After a bout at the height of our addicted arrogance and defiance, our God often allows us to experience a divine moment of clarity.  Amazingly, when we play the ultimate jerk card, He plays the ultimate Love card. Once again, by His Grace, we get the opportunity to choose whether we have had enough of awful and are ready to choose wonderful. It's sort of like a divine time out. Strange indeed, but this is the blessed world of our God. A God that lives in the land of love and wants us to join with Him now, here, on this earthly plane for a life of peace, serenity and bliss as never before realized.

... but will we repent (" turn " hopefully 180 degrees ) and make that free will choice for love instead of fear?

Here we need to understand that our God, is the one God of truth and Love. He MUST allow us to make the choice for ourselves, for only OUR choice for HIS real love will accomplish the life giving change we all so desperately need.

Growing up? 

If we are brought up in a family riddled with addiction sometimes we feel like mushrooms... Raised in the dark. Knee deep in the manure.  As they told us in the rooms, addiction is not a solo sport, after a while, the whole family gets to play.  Often, our problems started over a resentment with an important figure in our childhood...  Mom, Dad, Grandma,  or "bigger than life" Uncle Joe.  Often alcohol or drugs were involved. This perfect storm created something in our past that we felt was unforgivable.

How did we handle it?

Why... we stuffed it and tried to ingest amnesia over the years with 10,000 beers.... how else?

THIS created the " golden calf  " resentment that our drinking (spirits) had built their foundation of fear upon!

This is why we work the steps. They help us see the things that we need to do something about.  It's kind of like an old broken leg bone that was never set. We have two choices - hobble through the rest of our lives crippled, or break it again and set it correctly so that the damage can heal, enabling us to walk upright.

In this process of recovery, working the steps, we are involved in a personal spiritual renewal. As we are trying to approach our higher power, the King of Justice, the Lord God nothing short of the truth will do!  As we read in the "big book", " We beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start."   The first 100 told us that because they knew if we left just one stone unturned... we'd get nothing. 

Let's get real folks, this is a program of truth, and if we keep lying to ourselves, we're still just going nowhere.... no matter what WE think!

As our old friend Jimmy use to say " I was not giving up a good time, I was giving up a bad time."

Think about this. In your life, as you went along, most of the large red checkmarks that appeared on your " record " ( either on paper or in your mind ) that could not be erase, ( ...DUI, Felony, Possesion, Divorce, Abortion, Bankrupcy, Hep C, Domestic Violence and on and on and on ) usually occured shortly after or during a big bout with booze or drugs. For many of us perhaps a lifetime bout... unfortunatly for many, its still the MAIN EVENT!

With time in addiction we all go to a place where we believe the chaos is acually fun, but nothing could be further from the truth. As I overheard the other day at a center... a client was ask what high he prefered he answered anything that makes me feel better... THAT MY FRIENDS IS DILLUSION! With the high we always pay the price! We became lost and we did not even know it. We began to believe and accept the lie. A life of downward spiral to jails, institution and finally death.

It's a disease of isolation so hanging out with others late in addiction is a very lonely business.

Think about it,  when you went out with them, what did you do? Why the same thing we all did... get high! It may not have happened every time, but almost every time.

Now for the big question.... Do you think they really cared about you?

If you are currently in a rehabilitation center or have been over the last year or so answer this question.. Had anyone from that group called, written or come by to see you? We think not... Why you ask... because they don't care about you all they care about is the next high. Oh they may think they care, but if they did, you would have heard from them. My sponsor use to tell me... " What you do shouts so loudly, I can't hear a word your saying."

Addicts are not givers they are takers and as we all know in solid recovery... You Get What You Give!

When you joined that "iN" group of "way out" people, you walked away from all the others and joined a group that was already damaged to a" high" degree. As we hook up with others late in addiction, we become even more alone than we already were. Finally one day we may likely find ourselves behind a locked motel room door with a bottle, a bag and a hostage.

Our advice to you. when you come into recovery is to leave the old "iN" crowd behind.They have nothing for you. If you go back to them you are, once again,  surrounding yourself with the problem. By returning to them you are placing yourself in danger for you are out numbered by others active in addiction who are interested in only one thing...

... getting you back on the path to jails Institution and Death.

We have heard it many times... I went back out and in no time I was worst off than before.

Think about it. 

Our bodies getting older. Our mind is getting older. Most of us do not keep ourselves up as we should. Today's drugs are more potent and powerful than ever before. Certainly much more addictive. The epidemic of drug and alcohol use has mushroomed. There are one thousand flavors of alcohol on every street corner. Dealers are breeding like rats. Pain clinics are everywhere only too happy to give you as much as you can afford. Looks like pots gonna get legal and then there's the internet...

need I go on?

Our motto here is... Please for God's sake ( and everyone else ) STAY STOPPED!

What does it mean to be lost?

LOST:

noun:people who are destined to die soon

adjective:no longer in your posession or control;unable to be found or recovered;spiritually or physically doomed

If your lost, but know your lost, are you really lost?

Our sponsors told us... "Your dying and you don't even know it!"

In addiction we are truly lost. How long were you lost 5 years, 10 years, 40 years?

What do you think you would feel like after an extended period of addiction.

We have not heard too many that say... I was addicted for three and one half weeks... its more like three and half years or thirty years. By the time we are finally ready to accept help we are, for the most part, mentally, emotionally and physically bankrupt. So... no we don't feel too well. The bad news is that in truth, we have really done a number to ourselves. Believe us when we say it's going to take a little time to start to begin to repair the damage. As we have all heard many times ...  Be patient with yourself or you may become one. Time takes time.

If you have what we have then YES this is your outcome unless you are willing to change. Don't belive it... start to attend meetings regularly and you will see for your self. Left to our own devices we alcoholic/addicts don't do well. Without a loving fellowship around us we seem to just go down. Don't be a fool.. its really quite simple come with us receive a wonderful new life and a million new friends who truly understand you or isolate and die. There are many fellowships to choose from AA, NA, SA, CA, EA or Christian Recovey just to name a few. We pray you will find the one that is right for you! It all waits on you,,,, choose life!